the she loves ny guide to etiquette and the like

travel & transport: taxis

1.0 Summary
The Urban Gentleman will use taxis liberally and will make the experience of using them as pleasant for the lady as is gentlemanly possible. The lady does not love her city for its public mass transportation, and so as the gentleman is well aware of this fact he will leave his commemorative edition Metrocard on his parlor table if he is to travel about with the lady. Furthermore, in any and all circumstances that involve rain, the gentleman will, for the love of God, use taxis to keep the lady dry. Certainly, the gentleman will pay for the taxi an d will always do his best to have the lady touch as little of the taxi as possible.

2.1 Logistics
In making his determination that a taxi is the appropriate mode of transportation, the gentleman will make use of the provided equations. He knows full well that these equations are more scientifically calibrated than are his own instincts – and take into account such things as the wear and tear on the lady's Manolos – and so he will not to deviate from them in favor of his own judgment, or the likely lack there of.

If x + 5/3(y+z) > 5 or x + 5/3(y+z) = 5, then the gentleman will use a taxi;

If x + 5/3(y+z) < 5, then the gentleman will orchestrate a pleasant walk.

Where x = the number of blocks between his origin and destination, north to south; y = the number of cross town blocks between these same end points; z = 2 between 57th and 14th streets and z = 0 in all other areas.

Furthermore, if the gentleman knows, or suspects, that the lady's ride will be longer than 20 minutes in duration, then he will pre arrange for a car service.

2.2 The Gentleman Will Hail All Taxis
The gentleman will hail all taxis without exception. The gentleman understands that in every city there exist correct and incorrect locations from which to hail a taxi, given his destination. The gentleman therefore will practice picking appropriate locations on his own before he finds himself in the presence of the lady.

In general, if the gentleman wants to continue in the direction of the traffic of the street he is on, then he will look for the corner that is closest to oncoming traffic. At 63rd and Madison Avenue, NY, NY, for example, he will want to be on the southeast corner. He knows this because on Madison, traffic moves north and on 63rd, traffic moves west. If, however, the gentleman wishes to travel in a direction other than the one of the street on which he is standing – if he wants to have a taxi make a turn, for example – then he will look for the corner that is in common and nearest to both the direction the taxi is headed and the direction in which he wants the taxi to go.

2.3 Entering The Taxi
The lady will always be the first between the lady and the gentleman to enter a taxi. If the gentleman is with a group of people, the lady will be the first and he will be the last to enter the taxi. (It is the lady’s prerogative to defer her entrance to another person in the group, thereby positioning the lady and the gentleman closer in proximity to each other.) The gentleman will note well here: From the point in time that the lady is to board the taxi, she will board first. So that if the gentleman is arriving in a taxi to pick up the lady, he will get out of the taxi, greet her, and then have her get into the taxi before the gentleman returns to the taxi. Furthermore, the lady does not slide; the gentleman sees to it that the lady has situated herself on the side on which she entered the taxi and then moves to the other side of the taxi to join her.

2.4 To Slide or Not to Slide, An Important Caveat to Section 2.3
Although the Urban Gentleman understands that the lady will enter the taxi first, and that this is in theory not among the things he is willing to negotiate, he also knows that certain laws about entering taxis on the side of traffic prevent him from putting this rule into practice. Therefore, because the gentleman has the good sense to do so he will adapt the rule. He will look at what the lady is wearing to determine which of them will get into the taxi first. If the lady is wearing pants, she will be let in first. If, on the other hand, the lady is wearing a skirt of any length or if the lady is dressed for a formal occasion, in a skirt or otherwise, he will have her follow him into the back seat. He will say before doing this, "why don’t you let me slide across for you."

2.5 Exiting the Taxi
On the way out, the gentleman will pay and, if possible, lead. He will open the door ahead of her and close it behind. This is the case if he is alone with the lady or if the lady and the gentleman have blessed others with their company as well.

2.6 Knowledge of Geography
The gentleman knows that finding himself without his bearings does not a gentleman make. He will know where he's going and will be able to get there whether or not his driver, too, knows the appropriate route. In case of there being multiple routes, the gentleman will announce the route he prefers just following his request of a particular destination. The gentleman’s knowledge will include knowing where he is and where to lead the lady when they get out of their taxi. In fact, the gentleman will know the streets to the east, west, north, and south of his destination. The gentleman will never find himself without an answer to the driver's inquiry, "do you want to get off at Broadway, or should I make the left?"

2.7 Order of Stops

Finally, if the lady and gentleman are traveling to and/or from different locations, the gentleman's will be the first and last stop. Should the gentleman see an opportunity to make hers and his last stop one and the same, he will suggest the scenario with the utmost volumes of tact and grace and will have first read Part II of This Most Important Reference Manual, where he learns certain lessons requisite to a deft handling of the situation in which he is presuming to get himself.

3.0 Behavior
The gentleman will remain a gentleman whenever he is on the inside of a taxi.4.0 Special Circumstances, Rain
The gentleman will, without exception, keep the lady dry. He will not even deviate from this practice should he find the lady wearing a wetsuit. He will hover above her if he has the faculties with which to do so. The gentleman will tell the lady to wait under cover while he hails a taxi, or, if he is worth his weight in gold, he will call ahead and have a car waiting for the lady in inclement weather scenarios. He will throw conventional distance guidelines to the wind and not have the lady walk even one half block if he doesn't have to. To reiterate, the gentleman will keep the lady dry.

4.1 Special Circumstances, Particularly Crowded Locales

If the gentleman has done proper reconnaissance, he will be able to anticipate locations distinguished by a particular dearth of taxis. Even off the top of his head he knows, for example, that he will have little luck hailing a taxi after he and the lady have taken in a Broadway show. In situations such as these, where the gentleman is reasonably able to anticipate transportation problems, he will have arranged ahead of time for a car service to be waiting for himself and the lady.

4.2 Special Circumstances, If The Gentleman Has Absolutely No Choice But to Fight the Masses for a Taxi
Because in any proper gentleman there exists a helping of spontaneity, the gentleman knows that from time to time he will find himself in a situation in which he will have absolutely no choice but to fight the masses for a taxi. And the gentleman also knows that if he is with the lady and the lady unexpectedly decides she wants to go to the Meatpacking District on a Friday night, then the gentleman will make it his business to see to it that she gets to the Meatpacking District on a Friday night. In these most regrettable of situations, the gentleman will himself walk opposite the direction of traffic until he secures a taxi while the lady waits for him on a well-lit corner.