the she loves ny guide to etiquette and the like
tobacco

1.0 Summary
The Urban Gentleman must make a fundamental decision with respect to his attitude towards the lady's tendency to smoke. Should he decide that the behavior is offensive and/or intolerable, he will enjoy the smoking lady's presence from a physical and emotional distance. Should he, on the other hand, see the practice as little more than an element of the lady's consummate radiance, he will embrace the smoke as a well choreographed and precisely orchestrated activity, and will be the lady's accomplice in all of her smoking efforts. If the gentleman is among a group of smokers, although generally he will be generous with flame and product, the gentleman will tend to his lady's needs primarily and with greater care than will he tend to the rest of the group.

2.0 Logistics
The gentleman will first and without fail ignite the lady's cigarette, for he knows that the lady's pleasure does not derive from her opportunity to light her own. The gentleman will anticipate the lady's need for a flame and time his movement to her cigarette such that his lighter reaches her before the Light has sat unlit betwixt her lips for so much as 3/4 of a second. Further, the gentleman will acquire and maintain a lighter that is fit for his lady. It will be of a finer metal and will have presence. It will be a highly calibrated instrument such that with proper maintenance it does not fail to work. (The gentleman may head swiftly to Cartier following his read of this material to purchase this said lighter, discarding his Zippo along the way.) The gentleman will opt for matches only when his lighter is inexcusably unavailable, first making use of wood matches, then cardboard.

2.1 The Gentleman Maintains An Inventory
The gentleman will keep a supply of the lady's cigarette with him at all times. He will draw from this supply when the lady gives him an indication that she is ready for him to do so. In short time, in fact, the gentleman will be expected to anticipate the lady's urges so that the lady and the gentleman will no longer have to count smoking among topics they discuss.

2.2 Ashtrays
If he is in such a place where the lady is expected to make use of an ashtray, then the gentleman will ensure that the lady is provided with one and that it is a clean ashtray.

2.3 Smoking Bans
The Urban Gentleman has of late been forced to come face to face with laws commonly known as “smoking bans.” Like laws that prevent him from entering taxis in traffic, the gentleman knows that smoking bans are a mixed bag. If the lady does not smoke, then the ban is an asset; if she does smoke, then they are a challenge to the Urban Gentleman. If the lady smokes, the gentleman will have in his arsenal of venues that throw caution and fines to the wind and continue to allow smoking. He will make it his business to show the lady these venues. In situations where the lady has no choice but to leave the venue for a cigarette, the gentleman will ensure that the lady smokes accompanied – either by himself or, if in a group, by one of the lady’s friends.

3.0 The Gentleman Smoker
Just as the gentleman enjoys watching the lady as she dances with her cigarette, the lady enjoys seeing the gentleman’s performance. The gentleman, therefore, will handle his own smoking habit with grace and a touch of panache. He will not fail to light his cigarette on the first attempt; he will not fumble for his smokes, nor for his lighter; he will make use of a silver cigarette case that is not short on patina; he will take the red to and from his lips with character, but not flamboyance; he will exhale knowing that the process of exhaling should not be conveyed as a process in and of itself; he will not smoke a cigarette that is better suited for a lady, nor will he smoke a Newport.

Should the gentleman smoke and the lady abstain, the gentleman will service his habit only to an extent with which the lady is comfortable.

4.0.Advanced Smoking Etiquette And Flirtation
Especially if the gentleman himself smokes, he will light the lady's cigarette first between his own lips and then delicately place it between hers. The gentleman will use these opportunities to show the lady that he thoroughly enjoys servicing her. He will make use of devices such as eye contact and a gentle touch of her cheek to convey his pleasure. If it is the case that the gentleman is able to form rings as he exhales, he will do this sparingly – but he will do it – because he knows on occasion that the lady enjoys in him such random acts of masculine brouhaha.

4.1 Smoking in the Home
In the case of the lady's and gentleman's respective homes and/or apartments, the lady and gentleman will together determine the extent to which, and the locations in which, smoking is appropriate. In the home especially, the lady and gentleman will share their lit cigarettes, especially the gentleman's with the lady. The gentleman will stock his apartment with dignified ashtrays, such that the lady feels significantly lady like and luxurious using them. (There exists further reading for the gentleman on this topic in Chapter 8.)